Three Months Home

Kai has now been home for a little over three months.  Time flies!!!  We've had some struggles but are really doing well.  As time passes, I constantly think about where we were a week ago, a month ago, two months ago, etc.  The changes are hard to believe at times.  Not only are we seeing how quickly a child grows and changes, but we're also experiencing many different phases of attachment and transitioning related to Kai's adoption.  Whenever we go through a rough patch, I think of Kai's foster mother and how she pleaded with us to take care of Kai ("pleaded" is a strong word, but that's what it felt like to me).  She asked us -- not necessarily with her words, but with her actions, her emotions, her tears -- to become a family, for him.  She knew it would not be easy, and indeed it has not always been.  But we're getting there and I'm actually kind of proud of all three of us for the hard work we've put in so far.  We're happy and our lives are filled with love, joy and lots of laughter now that Kai is home, but I want my posts to be honest and show all sides.  I don't want to sound too happy chirpy, because adoption is hard. 
 
The holidays were wonderful but did set Kai back a bit.  Lots of commotion and visitors can be stressful and confusing for him at this point.  We're constantly performing a balancing act, and it's a challenge.  On one hand, we want Kai to become comfortable in his new world and allow him to get to know our friends and family, which he enjoys.  On the other hand, we need to keep things very routine and calm for him right now while he continues to build his sense of security and stability in his new home.  Kai adapts pretty well to his surroundings and enjoys socializing, so it's easy for others who don't know him well to think that he's "doing fine."  It's my belief that Kai's adoption will always be a factor as he faces challenges in his life, even the same types of challenges that non-adopted kids face.  Whether adoption factors in 100%, 50%, or 1% to a particular issue, it will always be a factor that needs to be considered by us as we deal with each situation.  I also believe that as a parent there are often times that you tend to overthink things, but in the end you should go with your heart and your gut.  

The biggest major change in Kai's life right now is my return to work.  I've gone back at a slightly reduced schedule, but still work 36+ hours a week, which means that Kai is at school all day.  This change has affected Kai's sleep and to a degree his behavior.  Although he's been going to school in the mornings since mid-December, last week was the first week that he stayed at school all day.  And on Thursday he cried for the first time when I left -- talk about heartbreaking!  He stood at the gate in the classroom door and watched me as I turned the corner and walked away.  Needless to say the image of his whimpering little face peering over the gate as I left him stayed in my head all day.  And so I experienced my first week back to work under a cloud of sadness, guilt and worry.  Ack! 

But onto lighter topics!  Here are some of the things that Kai is into these days -- at three months home and seventeen months old:

• Food!  His three happiest times of day are still breakfast, lunch and dinner.  He likes yogurt, fruit, and strawberry Nutrigrain bars.  He's a big fan of carbs -- bread, crackers, pasta and rice.  He also loves when Dad makes him scrambled eggs for breakfast. 
• At the same time, he's becoming more picky about his food.  And he's starting to become iffy with leftovers, so we can rarely give him the same thing two days in a row.
• His language skills are improving.  We see a big difference from a couple of months ago.  He understands most of what we say now, and is starting to say some English words.  He almost always says please ("bees") when he asks for something.  If he forgets and we tell him to ask nicely, he says "bees".  He loves to say "uh oh", which was cute the first fifty times, but now not so cute when he deliberately throws things just so he can say "uh oh!"  He mimics just about everything we say, even sentences.  
• He's lost most of his Korean language.  This makes me sad, but he still likes to say/sing his all-time favorite word ever, "BEE-YAH!!!" 
• He's learning sign language at school.  The signs he uses consistently right now are:  eat, more, thank you, and book.
• His favorite item at school is a small plastic tube that contains glitter water in whatever the color of the month is.  He carries it around with him all day.
• He's made his first friend at school, a little girl in his class who's a month younger than him.  They follow each other around and are so adorable together.  One day Kai was putting on his coat to leave and she brought him his hat -- SO CUTE!!!  They also get into lots of mischief together in the classroom -- earlier this week they took a bowl of rice down from a shelf, brought it into a corner, and dumped it.  Knowing my child as I do, I suspect that Kai was the instigator of this little plot, and that his sweet little friend was just too polite to point the finger! 
• Kai is more and more interested in books now.  He loves to turn the pages, and he looks at and points to the things on the pages.  His current favorites (constantly changing) are his "bagel books". 
• He still loves watching Pororo videos on the laptop.  He'll pull out a chair and point to it, meaning that he wants to sit on your lap while he watches. 
• He likes when you pick him up and dance around to music.  If you hold your hand out he'll put his hand in yours, like ballroom dancing!
• He likes being outside and he likes snow.
• He likes to point to his/your eyes, nose, mouth, cheek, ears, etc. 
• If we ask him "Where's Kai?" he covers his face with his hands then opens them like peek-a-boo!
• He's getting taller and can now reach more of what we put on the tables and counters, so we have to push everything back farther -- pretty soon this is no longer going to work! 
• He loves to figure stuff out.  He watched as Mark installed safety latches on all of the kitchen cabinets and drawers.  We thought it was so cute that he was interested in what Daddy was doing, until we realized that he was studying the latch mechanism.  Within a day or two, he had figured out how to open all of them. 
• He likes coloring and foam stickers.  He hardly ever tries to eat the crayons these days.
• He's getting really good at stacking, sorting, puzzles, etc.  It's neat to see him play with toys that he's had for a while, but now he plays with them differently.  He can nest all of his cubes by size now, by himself.  A month ago, he'd get frustrated and throw them.
• He's still a total Daddy's boy.  He was a Mama's boy for a while around his second month home, but as soon as I went back to work that went out the window.  But it's okay, I love his Daddy too, so I totally understand the appeal! 

 Here are a few pictures of what Kai's been up to lately:

I like to color and draw -- my work is very "abstract"

Ah-ha, I see how those safety latches work!

Here I am in action sorting my cubes by size

One of my favorite places to be is in Dad's lap -- here we are building a fire in the fireplace

When I'm out and about, I gotta represent SoKo!